Quick, when I mention True Blood, what are the first two things you think of? Mysteries and nuanced character development, of course. But probably fifth or sixth down that list might be, oh, say, sex and gore.
If you do like the naked stars and copious amounts of colored corn syrup used on the show, then you’ll love the current cover of Rolling Stone, which features famous musical artists Anna Paquin, Stephen Moyer and Alexander Skarsgard posing in their starkers, slathered in the goopy stuff. By which I mean blood. I call blood “the goopy stuff.” FYI.
There’s also an article with words or something, in which the magazine that used to cover the now dead music industry talks to the stars of the show, including this choice tidbit from Moyer:
"If we go from a base level, vampires create a hole in the neck where there wasn't one before. It's a de-virginization — breaking the hymen, creating blood and then drinking the virginal blood. And there's something sharp, the fang, which is probing and penetrating and moving into it. So that's pretty sexy. I think that makes vampires attractive."
You know, it’s funny, but a lot of people think you break your neck-hymen when you first get bit by a vampire, but really, it can break if you’re, say, riding a horse, or the first time you shove a tampon into your neck. You know, regular stuff.
Moyer continues to explain in the article how werewolves are like a penis because when they get excited, they get bigger and more violent, and how vaginas are like a Cthulu monster, because he doesn’t understand them and they look scary.
Skarsgard, on the other hand, reveals in the magazine about music, which only needs to be sold in cars to complete the hat trick of dying industries, that if you’re hoping to catch a glimpse of his little man, you may be in luck:
"I don't want a sock around it, that feels ridiculous. If we’re naked in the scene, then I’m naked. I’ve always been that way."
...Says the most confident man in the world.
Meanwhile, on TV, True Blood is hoping to add a third African-American character next season, because they’ve ran out of people on the show who can be chained up, tortured and forgotten about by all the white characters because they’re all too busy whining and having sex.
True Blood is currently on HBO, and has been nominated for several Emmy Awards. No, I’m not joking.
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